WHAT THE HECK…..Ya’ll do that too?!?!

Being involved in a some sort of church has been a part of my life in some way, shape, or form since I came out of my mother’s womb. I have heard a lot of lingo when it comes to successfully defining a “healthy church.” Although there are differences of opinions out there, I am going to try and promote one aspect that should not be neglected. There are different terms used to define what a “healthy church” must look like that have become quite cliche’. I’m sure you have heard “seeker friendly,”  “gospel centered,” and who could forget the ever so popular “emergent” movement. These terms must be thought out well and have a definition behind them.  So, pastors and staff get together and use sayings like “We need to be strategic in our approach,” or “There must be some intentionality behind our motive.”–Which, by the way, is very important. I just said those things because they make me feel smart!

Why? Well, I am here to sell you, or convince you, or prove to you why a community group is so important. When you think of a community group, some of you might be thinking “Oh, great, another cliche’ term!” or “I have been to one of those and it wasn’t pretty”. Before you exit out of the blog, will you give me a chance to tell our story?

I realize that when you hear the term “community group,” it might send a chill down your spine because you think that you are going to have to spend time with people you don’t know and hear about how awesome their lives are compared to your life. Or, you might be thinking that they might ask you personal questions! Although, I can’t promise you that won’t happen, I want to give you a metaphor to think about. Remember that first time you were standing at the base of a giant roller coaster, and you were seriously scared out of your mind to get on it (for me it’s every time I stand at a roller coaster)! You get on.  Your heart is about to pump out of your chest. The coaster starts to climb. The jerks then pause the stupid thing at the top. Then the RELEASE…..AAAAGGGGHHHHHHH!! When you get at the bottom of it, you’re thinking that was the most fun thing you have ever done! Ya, that’s kinda like community group!

The truth of the Gospel of Christ is that we are a mess. We are big sinners who need a BIGGER SAVIOR to rescue us. After rescuing us, God’s plan was to bring these needy “sheep” together and let them see that everyone that is a part of His Kingdom is a mess without Him (By the way, sheep are really dumb animals and need a Shepherd to guide them because they can’t make it without Him.) Sure, in this kingdom the messes that we bring might look differently. Some have financial mistakes, some have lust issues, some have marriage problems, some have parenting problems, some are just plan WEIRD!  The commonality that we all have in God’s Kingdom is that we have the same Gospel, the same Savior, the same plan to run to–to fix us.

For my wife and me , this started at our current church back in November of 2012. We got invited to our first community group. We were anxious but at the same time curious to see what would eventually pan out. It started with some food and a bunch of people standing around who had already known each other. It was a little awkward because  we were trying to start conversations with people not knowing what they were bringing to the table. The conversations were a little forced, and it was a little strange. We were both thinking to ourselves, “This is not working.” We knew before the night began that we were watching a video series. So, we both were thinking “If we can just get to the video–that way we don’t have to talk. We can just listen.” They started the video and we were like YES! Now we were trying to strategically think about how to exit when the video was over.

Then something happened. The video was about marriage which was fitting because we were all couples. I started thinking to myself, “Well, this should be fun. This guy will point out some cool things to do to strengthen and maybe even spice things up a little in my marriage”. Um, ya. That didn’t happen. In fact, one of the first lines in this video was pointing out that the problems that arise in marriage are worship problems. We love to worship ourselves rather than God which makes us selfish, needy, spoiled, and in pursuit of OUR NEEDS , rather than pursuing the needs of my Spouse.

OUCH! In my mind I started thinking, “He’s talking to me!  I’ve been exposed! These people’s marriages are perfect and I just got exposed in front of my wife.” I could feel the “Are you listening to this, Steve?” coming from my wife’s demeanor!!!! The 30-minute video ended (which felt like an eternity), and my worst nightmare happened. They wanted to talk about it (remember that pause part at the top of the roller coaster?!?!?!?)

They started with one couple, and I could tell right away that they were going to go around the room. I was nervous. Scared. Should I fake a stomach cramp, maybe a pulled hammy, etc??? Then something amazing happened. The couples starting talking about their struggles. Sure, there were some pointing out of things that the other spouse was guilty of, but the beauty of the confrontation was at the end of each one; they were both brought back to the reality that they were both guilty of selfish motives in the marriage and were both in desperate need of Jesus’ forgiveness and strength. What my wife and I saw was vulnerability, and it was BEAUTIFUL. Anger, humor, and love were expressed. One couple remarked that they had just gotten into it on the drive over!–And they admitted it! What we saw was real. We prayed and cried out to God for help in our marriages! Again, it was BEAUTIFUL!

When it was time to go, we were hugging one another and already preparing for the next time we were going to meet. Trisha and I got into our car and started driving home. We both started to cry because we were so happy that we now had an outlet to talk about struggles, and life. Those tears quickly turned into laughter thinking about some of the things the other couples said (What happens in community group stays in community group)! The consensus????? Man, we suck at marriage and parenting! But it’s OK because so do they!!!! We all might suck, but we have a Savior who refuses to leave us that way. He wants us to come to Him in a vulnerable way and say to him that we are dumb sheep in need of a Shepherd. We do not have anything figured out, but we have Savior who wants us that way so that we can rest in Him!

Granted, not every community group looks that way; but I know that when you get around a bunch of needy sheep looking to their Shepherd, you start to see the commonality we all have. If you’re not in a community group, I highly recommend your finding one! God made us relationally needy. It was his plan. When you are fighting against it you are swimming upstream. It’s exhausting.

Remember what I said about the roller coaster.  When I got to the bottom of it, I realized that the ride was so worth it. Our community group is one of the best things that has happened to us.  It has definitely been worth it!

Update on the Straub’s – Instability in the midst Gospel

If anyone has known me for the past 10 years they have seen somewhat of an American dream being played out. Married to a beautiful woman who loves Jesus, took a full-time youth ministry position, had 3 kids over the coarse of  4 years, had our first home built…. and the list goes on and on. It was in the summer of 2009 that I felt there was a change on the horizon. I was not satisfied with the status that I had accomplished and I really didn’t know why. So I started searching. In this search I had a inventory process going on in my head. I knew I was talented, witty, entertaining, and most of the time people listened when I spoke. Well, those can only lead to one thing, right? I was going to be a church planter. After all isn’t this what all youth pastors do after they have concurred the youth ministry?!?!

This idea gave birth to a 2 year long process of trying to figure out how I can achieve the church planting. I sought after wisdom from friends and mentors who all said I had “the tools” to accomplish this but that there were some red flags in my life. For the most part I ignored the advice and jumped right in. I didn’t realize at the time that the energy I was using to be a church planter and an eventual pastor of a church was all based on my own abilities, talents and personality. 

I was hired on at Church of the Redeemer as an apprentice to church planting and started full time seminary work in the fall of 2011. I was there for 18 months and lets just say it wasn’t as smooth as I though it would be. Those that know me and that are close to me are just as confused as I am. This was supposed to be my dream position but from day one I felt like I was trying to run while in a path of mud that was 3ft deep. All of my friends have been absolutely wonderful in this confusing time. They have tried to help and have offered numerous opinions on what I should do. I didn’t always accept their opinions and criticisms like I probably should have but I am thankful for them because it has shown me they really care.

Well, what really happened? Long story short, I have no clue! Well, kinda. I guess I should say, I am still trying to figure it out. I can tell you what I have learned though. When this process started my wife and I started studying the Gospel in a different way. We were and are continually learning how deep and wide the good news of Jesus is. We started focusing more on the life of Christ rather than the death, burial and resurrection. You see the Gospel is more than just what Jesus accomplished during Passion week. The Gospel is God as a whole. Understanding who God is through the person of Jesus makes the Gospel more than just something you believe in, it makes it a lifestyle. We are learning that the Gospel is very disturbing and nosey. It gets in the middle of your business and doesn’t stop bugging you until you repent and ask for help to change the wrongs in your life. What do I mean about business? I think for me the biggest thing was my inventory I told you about earlier was all selfish because I was looking at me and not others. I was being my own personal evaluator rather than my Maker being my evaluator. In short I was god. Yes, that sounds bold because in the midst of that I would tell you about all the amazing things God has done for me and how awesome Jesus is. That is why part of the Gospel is so violent. It demands we let go of idols and sometimes this can be ugly. Especially when you do not realize you have idols in your life.

Some of you might be thinking, “this is a good thing, right?”. YES! But its one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. It is extremely uncomfortable when you let go of all the things you thought were bringing you comfort in the first place. The more I learn about the Gospel the more I see my sinfulness. About half way through my apprenticeship I started doing  some more evaluating. This time I was looking back. I saw how a lot of my former accolades in ministry that I accomplished were achieved by my abilities rather than Gods. I saw how much I love the praise of man and would do almost anything to get more of it. I loved to hear from people how awesome I was. I didn’t realize this was going on in my life because these all seem like good things. I had built my identity on achievements, praise and created things rather than my Creator and all of his achievements.   Mark Driscoll, a Pastor in Seattle says it like this

“One of the reasons that an idol is so enticing is it gives you identity. By identity, meaning it defines who you are. It’s not a bad thing to be a husband. It’s not a bad thing to be a father. But you can take a good thing, make it a god thing; that’s a bad thing. There are those who have idolized leadership positions in the church because their identity is rooted in their office more than in Christ. Being called pastor is more important deep down in their soul than being called Christian. Identity. Identity.”

I also didn’t realize how this idolatry was affecting my family. They took a back seat to my life. I put ministry above them and didn’t realize it. I started noticing that in the past I would take phone calls during family events and neglect them, the everyday pleasures of marriage and fatherhood were secondary. I didn’t pay attention to what my children were learning or accomplishing or starting to do. Worst of all, I was neglecting my wife! She was just “my wife”. She has her role and I have mine. After all isn’t this the way marriage should be? 

One word: TAILSPIN! I was becoming undone. I was starting to realize how much of the Gospel of Jesus wasn’t in my life. On the outside I was a “good guy” but there were still a lot of un-evengalized sections of my heart that needed Jesus desperately. By God’s grace my wife and kids still love me and are still by my side! In fact through a process of repenting Trish and I’s marriage has never been stronger! I am CONTINUALLY learning how to love her and father my beautiful children through repentance and faith. You see the thing I am learning about the Gospel is that it might be violent, demand repentance, and flat out painful but it is also loving, gentle, beautiful, and perfect…..at the same time! My favorite Author and Preacher, Tim Keller, says it like this

– “The gospel of justifying faith means that while Christians are, in themselves still sinful and sinning, yet in Christ, in God’s sight, they are accepted and righteous. So we can say that we are more wicked than we ever dared believe, but more loved and accepted in Christ than we ever dared hope — at the very same time. This creates a radical new dynamic for personal growth. It means that the more you see your own flaws and sins, the more precious, electrifying, and amazing God’s grace appears to you. But on the other hand, the more aware you are of God’s grace and acceptance in Christ, the more able you are to drop your denials and self-defenses and admit the true dimensions and character of your sin.”

To catch you up on what is going on with us now- We are back in Lakeland. We are serving at our church Christ Community Presbyterian Church. I am not technically on staff but Trish and I are actively involved. One of the best things we love about our church is meeting twice a month in our community groups. We do life together by sharing burdens, struggles with sin and food! Its been great. I just got hired by Little Caesars Pizza to manage one of their shops. Will I ever go back into “full-time” ministry again? I do not know. I am open and willing to do what ever God wants but at the same time I am still working through a lot of confusion and continuing to learn how to accept the fact that God the Father loves me unconditionally. I didn’t full grasp how my end of my relationship with God was based so much on conditions. God continues to be graceful in this area and I am eager to continue to grow while he prunes!

Please pray for us. We are pushing through and by Gods grace we are still attached to His Story!